The Anti-Me Device

Hello Stalkers,

I had a pretty abysmally mundane day today, no invites to any "Tupperware Parties" and Fabio's gone to the Dominican Republic for a shoot while Thaksin is off to work, more on that later. Though honestly, just between you and me, I think both of them are cheating on us. Damn you forrest!! Anyway, this meant that it's going to be a quiet day at home and good old carrier here decided to hit the information highway for some lovin'. Hello Pop Friction and Hard School Musical 2, yeah they've made a sequel.. After the work out we stumbled upon an interesting article and oh my.. So I am Arafat's Penis and here's what I'm thinking..

They say information in this day and age is power, but sometime certain information can make your knees buckle, your face cringe and the twins retract. Here's what I'm on about, while doing some Redtubing, we stumbled upon an article cheekily entitled "Sex Tools for Tools at Sex". It was quite interesting as the article filled my carrier's head with kinky ideas and mine with blood, but half way down, the article got a tad weird. It started to ramble on about sex in the Medieval times, and somehow that lead to this odd device. In an effort to curb rape, those sick people came up with this particular anti-rape device. My first thought was: Rape? What's rape? You see with my carrier here, it's actually impossible to rape him, because you'll just end having conventional sex.. The only difference is whether or not he'll spoon you. Consequently, he's actually really bad at Rape Roleplay nights.

Anyway the article goes on describing this device as being conical in shape which is then inserted into the rapee's no.1 or no.2 depending on your preference. Now here's the bit where it's a bit of a mind fuck-slash-rape, ready? The interior of the device is lined with rusty Medieval razors which are pointed inwards. So picture this , it'll be easy for me and my colleagues to go in, but upon exit.. Yea.. Ouch.. If the shredding didn't get you, gangrene will.. As usual got to go, looks like someone's having a nightmare, yup definitely a nightmare the twins are a bit shy.

Till next time,

Hugs and Kisses

AP

17 x 4.0885235294117647058823529411766 = 69

Hi genitalmen and laidies,

As my master is now undertaking some culinary skill called "spooning" I figure I have a few minutes to write about what happened to me recently before the 2nd rund begins. However, often enough you find yourself in an experience so horrifying that you are at a lost for words and somehow my loss of words happened to arrive in the lost Japanese art of Haiku.

Young man meets woman,
Sexual horizons whispered,
I am intrigued,

I am so wasted,
As far as I know she hot,
Anticipation,

We undress on bed,
And soon I hit second base,
But wait a minute,

There balls on my face,
Turns out I am not alone,
Sixty Nine point Nine.

Till next time,
Hugs and Kisses
AP

Brazilian

Hello Stalkers,

I might have to keep this rant a tad shorter than usual, as I’m sore all over and no, unfortunately, it’s not in a happy way. So I am Arafat’s Penis and here’s what I’m thinking..

So what happened? A Brazilian is what happened. When I say Brazilian, no I don’t mean getting freaky with Pedros and Ronaldinhos, what I mean is.. erm.. how do it put this.. err.. “deforestation”? Indulge me for a minute here and let me start from the beginning.

Recall that last month I decided to don a costume for Halloween. Well, let’s just say that the tripod costume had a dodgy zipper, and that when I eventually return it, it went back with few strands of hair stuck to it. Yup that Arafat sure has the looks but not the brains. The simple fact of the matter is, when something is stuck, the use of force is not going to help. Anyway after the incident, the good old carrier here thought it would be a good idea to go “industrial logging” on the little tropical rainforest we have here, and got ourselves what’s called a Brazilian.

Before this point, I had no idea what a Brazilian was. So when I was covered with warm honey scented wax, I thought it was just another fancy name for what basically is Wonderful Warm Wax Wednesday. Wow, was I wrong!! When that sweaty Thai boy, took rein of the cotton strip and yank it off my warm pink flesh, yea… ouch…

Three hours and 23 cotton strips later, to my horror and despair, the boy said he could do no more for the day, which mean that we’re going back to Thaksin’s Tom Yam and Beauty tomorrow.. Sigh.. Oh yea, did I mention that Thaksin's little hair removal salon doubles as a Thai restaurant, guess they haven't heard of Food Handling Certification.

Anyway, like I said I’m in excruciating pain and I don’t think I could manage another sentence. So here’s me signing off..

Till next time,

Hugs and Kisses

AP

AP gets Political

Howdy ya'll and yippe kay yay!

Me greeting you this way does not necessarily mean though that I support McCain but what I wouldn't do to have a little bumpy bumpy time with the old man. I always did like more mature folk. Too bad for him OBAMA managed to suck on more of us than he did.

Let me get something to you straight! I hate both candidates and I love both of them as well. You know that I want to rim both of them for their sexy policies and hopes and dreams, but I also want to squirt my juices into their eyes for the fact that they're politicians, and guess what penises and pussies? All politicians are LIARS!

Look at Gordon Brown that fat ass, the hope for Britain, stunning disappointment he was except for the swimsuit calendar he released featuring him and Her Royal Sexy-ness.

So that's all I'm saying on the matter folks. America finally got its first black President and I orgasm in joy, but lets not forget that he's a politician and therefore the hope we place in him will be his biggest downfall.

Till next time,
Remember, ball sacks are not hackey sacks, never kick them if they fall down,
Hugs and Kisses

AP

The Bendy Penis

Hey y'all,

Just bounced in from Arafat's bed and boy are my balls tired.

Okay, enough with the pleasantries and more with the bang bang bang (not literally though, unless you really want it that bad)

Yesterday I caught myself thinking.Halloween is just around the corner and I have nothing to wear! I mean of course they design costumes shaped like us for the general public like this little number,but what about me?? What does a lonely little soldier boy like me wear for such a daring event like Halloween? Its penis-ist I tell you. Discrimination against all of us large and small. We have rights as well. We all have minds of our own. Everyone knows that.

Luckily I stumbled upon a site which has proved to be more accommodating to our purple head wearing needs and boy oh boy, costumes galore. I need your help though I'm not really sure what I'm going to go as but here's the shortlist.

Sexy sheep, I know my boss would love this one seeing as it has happened before. Ahhhh reliving memories with this costume will surely put us in the right mood. Mmmhmmmm.

Sexy snake, now here's a new one for the books. We've never done this before but its not like he ever needed a flute to raise my head.

Or I could go as that bitch who gave us genital warts. Of course its not flaring now ladies but actually to my surprise some of you enjoy driving across bumps. No idea why. Must be a girl thing. No wonder they say girls are the worst kind of drivers.

Finally, I could go as a Smaller Penis. I mean. My monstrous size has known to cause certain people to faint at the sight no matter how tough he is. So maybe this little knob will deter them from actually realizing my true form and actually let me surprise them for once.

Well that's about it ladies and gents. Let me know what ya think. I'm eager to know. Oh shit. It's morning already and Arafat's about due for his morning hardy. Right right, got to straighten myself up.

Till next time,

Always remember to clean your friend once a day,

Hugs and Kisses

AP

Tupperware Party.. Among Other Things

Hello Stalkers,

After spending an entire day advocating the benefits of air-tight food storage at a potpourri filled Tupperware Party, my carrier is now all tuckered out and sound asleep, all clear. So I am Arafat’s Penis and here’s what I’m thinking..

I hate potpourri!!! That’s what I’m thinking.. In fact I hate everything remotely suburban housewife-ish, from the floral décor to the plastic covered sofas. The worst by far was definitely the early nineties rosy wallpaper which adorned the room from top to toe. Sadly, such is my predicament, the result of being brought to life attached to this particular carrier. God was probably having a good laugh 20 years ago, when he decided to put the two of us in the same equation. One up north and one down south. 

Though here’s the pièce de résistance of this story. Instead of a room filled with slightly hormonal but potentially attractive housewives, which one would come to expect from these Tupperware parties, the rosy room was packed with men!! I have to make this clear, unlike my carrier I actually don’t swing in that particular direction. Like I said, God was probably having a good laugh 20 year ago and by the looks of things, still is.

After the “lovely lady boys” have put in their multi-coloured Tupperware orders, they erm.. how should I put his.. they decided to have another party, a party in the pants. I mean all this is fine, just as long as they’ve got the proper consent from the all the individuals who are involve right? WRONG!! They did not get my consent!! You’ve got to keep in mind that a party in the pants involves the equipment in the pants, and I am the equipment!! I was violated in the most weird way, I feel so dirty.. So used.. Sigh..

So yeah, I had not only an exhausting day but a pretty dirty one as well. Dirty in the behavioral sense as well as the hygienic sense. Oh look someone’s waking up, and looks like he did not have enough.. Oh hello left hand.. Hmm happy days..

PS: Thanks for the lovely responses for the poem.

Till next time,

Hugs and Kisses

AP

Poem for the Twins

Oh mighty twins!

Hanging behind me,

Too afraid to show your might,

Be free! Take flight,

But if you were to go,

I would be sad,

For I then cannot show my head,

Around my pussycat,

Damn you Cancer!

You shall not pass!

Oh mighty twins!

If you were to twist,

You'd cause me much pain,

A stain,

On the bedroom floor,

Colder than ever before,

Without you,

I am but a gunless barrel,

On the beaches of Normandy,

Fighting off the killer crabs.

Oh mighty twins!

It's a good thing you are here,

On my expeditions,

Too fat to come inside,

I know you have my back,

What a journey!

What a journey!

Oh sweet relief,

You're looking thin,

My twins.

AP