And the Oscars go to! Pt.2

Bonjourno! Bonjourno il mio sexy cose,

After a while your favourite penis has finally emerged like an old man with a barrel of Viagra Extra Strong. Apologies all around as its taken a while to post this up but my priest has assured me that all the demons in my computer have finally been cast out. Yeay!

The Curious Case of Benjamin Button

Allow me to bugger on by introducing you all to one of this year's sexiest movie. This movie has been nominated for 13 Oscar nominations which is one less than Titanic but one more than Ben Hur and if they do win more than 11 awards they'll be forever stamped into the record books as the movie that could. Excitemente. Only, your good old uncle AP believes that they won't. Sure it has a Forest Gump-Notebook feel to it but it lacks certain epic feelings to it. Side note, who knew Her Highness Cate Blanchett could be so smoking hot? Rikes Shaggy! From this day on I will never write down a fugly girl ever again until they star in a movie forcing them to butt hug Brad Pitt. That boy make everyone look good. Mm hmm.

Milk

Milk, got milk. Potatoe, Potato. Sorry but if I have to see Sean Penn's smug ass smile one more time, I'd have to burn my eyes out with that cleaning liquid you buy and store in your cupboard for a century. This picture though. Mamma mia. So much more appropriate don't you think? Of course it took me a whole box of tissues just to search for this pic. Honestly though, Milk made me go through a whole box of tissues a second time and it wasn't for my urethra either. It's worth a watch if you're open minded, otherwise stick to churning butter. Also, give props to my boy James Franco. I always knew Sean Penn leaned a little to the left but who knew the boy who could fly without wings had it in him? I don't mind seeing him again. Even if it has to be with Sean Penn, but a lil tip love? Lose the beard.

P.s.-Buy more tissues.

The Dark Knight

The 10 things I hate about you Heath Ledger;

I hate the way you talk to me Casanova,

and the way you cut your hair.

I hate the way you ride that horse,

I hate it when you hump Jake Gyllenhaal.

I hate your big dumb kangaroo boots,

and the way you read your lines.

I hate 'The Brothers Grimm' so much it makes me sick,

it even makes me rhyme.

I hate the way you're always right in shining Knight.

I hate it when Michelle William lies.

I hate it when you joker around,
even worse when you make me cry Dan.
I hate it that you're not around, and that the you're lastly a conman.
But mostly I hate the way I don't hate you,

not even close,

not even a little bit,

not even at all.

If you don't win this award. I'll go all Jihad on the Academy.

Hellboy II, The Golden Army

Guillermo del Toro is that genius dwarf who created a child eating monster with removable eyes that scared the bajeezes out of me while making me cry. So why is it that he couldn't sprinkle some of his fairy dust on this movie? You had the half demon, the "flame-on" girl and the black lagoon swap creature. My five year old pussy could write a more interesting story than you did! Obvious, predictable and the characters leave me a bit on the limp side. I don't think you even deserve an award for that best makeup award either. I've seen hookers wear less make up than that and I'm not talking about you Mr. Hellboy. Eh Selma Blair?

Iron Man

So, many, dirty, thoughts, flowing, into, head. Autoeroticrobocosplayelectricvibratedildofuckboomboomshaketheroomsuperhumpmyrightlegrobot! I feel better now. Pity this amazing movie didn't win more awards. I suppose time makes idiots of us all. "I am Iron Man!" Yes you are big boy, yes you are.

Kung Fu Panda

I'm no kung fu master, but I do a good doggie style. Oh no he did-n't!So big up on this movie. Its got great action type scenes in it and I've watched it a couple of times to see if Angelina Jolie is really the voice of Tigress. Tigress my ass. Do any of these animals have boobs? No that I'm into the furry stuff and all that. Just saying that if you're gonna give it human appendages, why not go all the way? Just in case you are into it though, remember to give your local zoos a miss. Zoo keepers. Who knew they kept shotguns?

Slumdog Millionaire

10 Oscar nominations, would mean that this movie has totaled 42 wins and 46 nominations. This movie my pretties is my No. 1 movie picture of the year. I laughed, I cried, I creamed myself. I can't say anything bad about it because to "some"(Indians) movie may be classified as "perfect". However I found a flaw! When Jamal explains the answer for the "truth alone triumphs" question, Jamal asks the inspector for the price of Pani Puri, but the video shown is that of Dahi Puri. So, ha! Take that. Imperfection!

Tropic Thunder

Comedy powerhouse with Ben Stiller! Jack Black! And Robert Downey Junior? Well it could be worse. They could join Meryl Streep, Pierce Brosnan and Colin Firth in a musical "powerhouse" with the music styling of ABBA but has nothing to do with ABBA. Wait. They did? Shit. Oh well. Go on. Give this one a view. A white men pretending to be black is WAY funny, unless his name is Eminem.

Wall-E

Machine loving is normally meant for asian girls with cave like vagina and rebuilt car engines but ever since I've watched this movie I'm getting more open to the idea of revamping my vacuum cleaner. Give this movie all the awards it can shove into its rusty compartments because I've never had robots tug at my heart strings before and I hope they never will by going all Matrix-I Robot on us.

Wanted

Once upon a time, in a land far far, not that far but still fairly far, when I was but a wee, wee, I came upon a magical comic book called 'Wanted', the cover has a smoking hot tall full-liped black woman. I gazed in wonderment at this magical comic and for the first time in my life, I suddenly grew taller. So when I heard that a movie was being made after this wonderful book, I stood up and took notice. However after watching it, I felt a great sense of self, mutilation. For you see, the movie turned out to be really quiet, shit. After that I swore that I would never watch another movie again. The End. (Unfortunately "Back Door Sluts 9" came out shortly after and I broke my promise)

The Wrestler

Cream my master's pants! This movie wrestled any doubts I had about Mickey Rourke's comeback, but it may be because he locked me between his bulging calves and made me scream you're my daddy. Then again, that could have a dream I had. A wonderful, magical dream. Ahem. Anyways pulling back. This movie? Think Rocky Balboa, but the way it was suppose to be. Also, Marisa Tomei in her full sex gear, can rub against me any time. Yum yum. Old people are like the cherries to my icing.

Vicky Cristina Barcelona

Omg! Denny Duquette! I want you babies! For you non-Grey's addicts, shame on you for not knowing who he is. Boo. Unfortunately nothing really special about this movie though. Its just like all the other Oscar Nominations that have some deep emotional blah blah blah blah. Yawn. Seriously, its like the whole Academy has the same taste as a 14 year old emo girl cutting herself or an old lady signing her do not resuscitate form. Please! There's so many other great shows like Mamma M, or the new Indiana J, or Disaster Mo, or The Hottie and the No. Damn. One point to you Academy Awards.

The Reader

Oh look Kate Winslet's tits, haven't seen those before. I don't usually reject a good pair of boobies, don't get me wrong kiddies. Papa penis love him some boobies but its like reading the same playboy over and over again. Reading stories to Nazi soldiers. Hmm. Can you just feel me getting hard? Didn't think so.

Revolutionary Road

Every night in my dreams I see Leo floating out of the icy cold depths and saying "Just kidding", but alas I am but a dreamer till the good maker Sam Mendes has decided to rejoin the best couple since Bennifer on the beautiful Silver Screen. Unfortunately I find the what if Rock(Rose, Jack, get it? Oh nvm) got married and had a mid-life crisis because they weren't as sexually charged as when they were facing death on a sinking ship rather boring. I admit it made me have my ups and downs but I sure wasn't turn on by any of this and to me, Jack will always sink to the bottom of the ocean and Rose will always chuck that priceless necklace into the ocean after him. Dumb bitch.

Sorry folks but that's all I got left in me. I got to run because I found a cache of Lady Gaga photos and if I hold it in any longer I'm pretty sure I'll cum Skittle rainbows all over my new computer.

Till next time,

Hugs and Kisses,

AP