I got it from Obama

My fellow organs,

I stand proud and tall today in honour of a great man's inaugural in to becoming THE 44th president of the United States of America.

Obama Hussein Barack Jr. or Barry as I call him, *wink* *wink* is finally president.

Yes Obama's achievements stretches far beyond the reaches of any man, who can forget the time he, or that time when he, and then he did that thing with the thing that everyone talked about, well some people talked about it, well actually no one knew what it was. Wait, what has he done and why are so many people boob flashing him during the inaugural? I don't know about you guys but I was just watching to see if any white trash hicks would try to shoot an armoured vehicle for shits and giggles. To my dismay this one was pretty much the same, not as fun as the time that eggs where thrown at Bush and not as exciting as realizing that Clinton was receiving a BJ during his oath.

So what has he done?

Oh yes, nothing yet you say? But he brings hope to the people you say?
Right, hope. There was I time that I hoped to grow 2 inches taller. Yes, I put a heavy rock on my head and let gravity be my guide. Well guess what hope got me? A year of bruised lonliness. Damn you mother nature for not making me an alpha male.

Oh right, he's a stepping stone for black people everywhere being the first black man in power you say?

Well last time I check Ghana wasn't being ruled by a Jew.

Oh you mean of a powerful nation you jerk you say?

Well if you've masturbated over the movie 300 on that number of times, like I did. The Persian guy was black wasn't he? I never know, I wear sunglasses during the last 299 viewings because too many awesome pecs makes me burst out in excitement rather early.

Oh you mean he's the first most powerful black man in the MODERN world and of the most powerful nation in existence you inconsiderate ass you say?

Well you have a point there but technically he's half white, so technically can't be categorised so easily, so technically "hah your face!". Besides he's not really black. Does hes listen to fiddy? No! Does hes put on da presidential bling? No! Does he scores with the shorties that have them baggy sweat pants and the Reeboks with the straps and then give that big booty a smack? No! He hit the floor! He hit the fl- crap. Sorry I er, strayed a little there.

Oh you mean he's there for the black people you racist you say?

See I thought he was there for ALL of America, well turns out that he's only there for 12.85% of the population. Screw the other 1% of white people and 86% of hispanics. (yes I know this number is wrong you moron I was trying to make a joke)

Oh you mean just shut up you racist McCain supporter and wait till he proves you wrong you say?

Ok hold up for just a second. First of all I'm waiting in anticipation for the Obama show as you can probably tell by my master's pants. Second of all I'm NOT a McCain supporter because I do not have old man fetishes although I did nearly get what my master calls a "boner" when "accidentally" running into my gram gram once being wrestled to the ground by grand pa pa and, well lets just say my gram gram had a smile on both sides for days.

Oh why do you hate Obama so much you dick head you say? (I'm not going to argue with that, I am in fact a dick head, yea, so who's embarrassed now?)

I don't HATE Obama, in fact my mouth waters, well creams, just thinking about his soft luscious lips and that shaved fuzzy head and, ooh excuse me I need a wipe off for a second. I just don't enjoy the fact that we celebrate a man that has done nothing but just who he is. He should be celebrated based on his success not for being black and talking like a "proper" gentleman. I mean if I was born with as a twin or even as a triplet, would my master be the most wanted man by the ladies and the envy of men everywhere? No! It would depend on the crowning achievements of doing Anne Hathaway, Katy Perry and Jennifer Love Hewitt at the same time isn't it? Then I would be glorified as the God of Orgies. (sigh, such is the dream of a lowly man dinger)

Furthermore this man is not Ghandi or the Prophet Muhammad or Jesus or Jenna Jameson. He's not going to bring about radical change as you dimwits all suspect. He is simply a man doing his best to do his job and stay sexy. All of you who put too much faith in him will be dissapointed and I hate you all for putting such stress on my Barry warry.

So that's all I have to say my little pretties, until next time, "Veni, Vidi, Vici" which means "I came, I saw, I rented a 3 dollar porno". I think.

P.S. - Any non-American who's a radical Obama lover deserves to be shot on sight. Get your own country you mutt.

Hugs and Kisses,

AP